The event topic for day three focuses on evaluating each other's willingness to accept help from his or her partner. This relates to how couples make decisions within their marriage and brings up topics such as -- how to spend the holidays, time with each other, time with friends, practicing faith, relationship with families, careers, financial concerns, children, hobbies, and household responsibilities.
Working as a team is an important aspect of marriage; developing what Gottman (1999) describes as a sense of "we-ness" as opposed to a "me-ness" is vital for marriage success and longevity. Creating a sense of we-ness can be achieved through cognitive behavioral couples therapy. When one part of the couples has needs that are not being met, it is important these needs are communicated to one's spouse so that they can work together to find ways -- as a team -- for the spouse to have his or her needs fulfilled -- and vice versa. This is working as a team and when one's needs are really recognized by his or her spouse and a change is made for the better, a stronger bond between the couple will occur.
Using Gottman's (1999) form, "Who does what in the marriage?," couples will describe their perception of hw things are currently handled in the household and then how they would like them to be held. These are items from running errands to the cleaners to balancing the checkbook or making the beds. This is a good way to see how each part of the couple perceives their spouses and their own levels of responsibility.
Guided behavior changes can occur in small, easy doses. They may be changes such as making dinner one night a week, taking out the garbage before being asked, or cleaning up after dinner. These guided behaviors can make a change by showing the spouse that he or she still cares about the marriage and the spouse. Skill-based interventions are different than guided behavior changes. In skill-based interventions,...
One techniques of solution-focused therapy is the asking of questions. Questions are asked and selected responses are then discussed and the couple will have the opportunity to elaborate on the topic. The therapists work with the individuals to get them to come to their own desired outcomes. The therapist works as a mirror -- concave or convex mirrors that can swivel - rather than providing a flat mirror that simply reflects.
Day five's topic will delve into showing love through different ways -- hand touch, affection, sex, rituals, activities, faith and/or prayer. Gurman (2008) discusses the "love days" or "caring days," which are days that are set aside for showing your significant other love, care and affection. On these days, couples may want to show their love for each other by doing nice things such as bringing them coffee in bed, surprising her with flowers, making a special dinner or leaving an "I love you" note on the bathroom mirror. This is a good exercise for people who have not given their marriage the priority it deserves.
The Marriage Enrichment Program is a great opportunity for individuals to reconnect with their spouse. I have learned that marriage is a process; it grows and changes shape over the years and sometimes we forget to be caring or thoughtful. We often put our own needs and desires over our spouse's. In researching this paper, I discovered that there are many simple things that couples can do to keep the love and care alive. Open communication came up over and over in the readings and the enrichment program is a good door opener to better communication skills.
